Calm-Down Activities for Toddlers: What Works and What to Say

I've been passionate about yoga and meditation for years. They helped me a lot through stress and anxiety, and they made me more aware of my own feelings, and, I hope, a better person with my family, my friends and the people around me. I'd love my daughter to have those tools much earlier than I did.

Every parent knows the moment: the tower falls, the wrong cup arrives, and suddenly there's a small person on the floor who can't hear a word you say. This is what helps in our house, and what early-years research says about helping young children calm down.

In the middle of a meltdown

At the peak of a big feeling, a toddler can't listen, reason or follow instructions. Breathing exercises and explanations come later. In the moment, your job is to be the calm one:

• Stay close and get low. Sit nearby, at their level.
• Say very little, slowly. "I'm here. You're safe."
• Breathe slowly yourself. Children borrow your calm before they can make their own.
• Keep everyone safe, and wait. It passes.

When the storm starts to fade, that's the moment for a calm-down activity.

Seven calm-down activities

1. Be a turtle. Tuck into your shell (hug your knees, head down), take three slow breaths, and come out when you're ready. Preschools teach this one widely, because a turtle is something every child can copy.
2. Balloon belly. Hands on the tummy. Breathe in through the nose and feel the belly grow like a balloon; let it out slowly.
3. Smell the flower, blow the candle. Hold up a finger: sniff the flower slowly, then blow the candle so gently the flame only wobbles.
4. Squeeze and let go. Squeeze your hands into tight fists, count to three, then let them go floppy. Then shoulders, then toes.
5. Watch it settle. Shake a glitter jar or snow globe and breathe slowly until all the glitter has landed.
6. A cosy corner. A small, soft spot with a cushion, a blanket and a favourite toy, where any child can go to feel better. It's a place to calm down, never a punishment.
7. A guided calm-down. On hard days, a short, gentle voice can lead the breathing for you. That's what we built Lulu for (below).

Practise them when your child is already calm, as a game. Then they're ready when a big feeling comes.

Name the feeling

Once things are calmer, put the feeling into words: "You were so angry when the tower fell." Naming a feeling is a first step to handling it. In a study with adults, putting feelings into words calmed the brain's alarm response. And across 79 studies of 2 to 6 year olds, programmes that teach children about feelings helped them understand and handle their emotions.

• Use simple words: happy, sad, angry, worried, scared, excited, tired.
• Notice where feelings live in the body: a hot face, a tight tummy.
• All feelings are allowed; not all actions are. "It's okay to be angry. It's not okay to hit. Let's stomp instead."

A little quiet time every day

Calm is easier to find when it's a habit. A few minutes of quiet each day, with nothing to win or finish, helps many children settle. That's especially true after nursery or school, or once they've dropped their nap. Quiet time doesn't have to be silent: lying down and listening, looking at a book, or slow breathing all count.

Try Lulu

We're building Tiny Hands Feel, a free quiet-time space for children aged 2 to 7. Lulu the turtle talks your child through a calm-down out loud, so even children who can't read can follow along. There's a one-minute version you can try today on Tiny Hands Feel.

This is a parent's experience, not medical advice. If meltdowns are very frequent or intense, or you're worried about your child, talk to your doctor or child health nurse.